Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
