I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
My dick has a subreddit
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
