textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Randomize
