is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Randomize
