he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
