her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
This is my gift to your gina
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
