I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
