1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
plz talk dirty to me
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
