I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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