He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
