I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
