I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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