Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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