I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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