I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
