Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I just saw a hot homeless man
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Randomize
