The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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