its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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