I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
