if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
