Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
