just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
