Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
