i'm signing you up for texting rehab
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
