Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
where are my eyebrows?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
