Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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