someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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