hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
