WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Randomize
