what day is it and did you see me today?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
He better not be in your backpack
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
