Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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