His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
