So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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