just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
