Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
