Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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