Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
