did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
