Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I just had sex on a roof
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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