just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Randomize
