she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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