3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
