i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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