ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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