She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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