I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
