I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
did i walk over a car last night?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
