i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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