so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
