I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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