just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
