Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
