is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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